Speak to your mom about moving back in with them. Your dad is doing the typical brown dad thing. He may think you are being weak and are giving up too fast on the marriage. They have a very different definition of tolerance than the modern Punjabi, who runs away from every difficulty faced in life today. They tolerated a lot of cr*p from white people and maybe your mom faced some of the repressed aggression from you father as well and he thinks, why can't you face some of it and continue to live in such an environment. His frame of reference is not right, but understanding where he is coming from may help him open up and accept your hell as reality and accept you back into the house. Maybe try to get one of your dad's best friends to sit in with a conversation about you moving back in. Let your parents know, you are willing to try again with your husband, if he changes (stops abusing you and stops drinking, and stops messaging other women) after you move back home. Your willingness to work it out may help your dad see the problems as real issues. His best friend/relative may help your dad understand the reality of your life. Also stand up to your husband. I don't mean go toe to toe with him. But stand your ground by showing him, you are not scared of him. These cowards work off of fear. Once they know the other person does not fear them, they actually develop a fear of you inside. Right now, he thinks you will not do anything to stand up for yourself. The way a person holds themselves, walks, and speaks can make you a victim or a dominant person in the house. Act like you are suppose to be there in the house and are an equal member in the house. I don't know the dynamics in the house, but if you are still doing things for him. Stop, doing things, like cooking meals for him, cleaning, laundry, etc. When he doesn't have clean clothes and a hot meals, something will click in. He will go to his animal behaviour of trying to force you to do it, but say exactly why you are not doing it and stand your ground. A dog doesn't get a treat until he shows how to sit and not move till told too. But the best thing you can do is move out and move to your parents house. Also don't show to him you are miserable. He feeds off of it. He knows you are vulnerable and takes advantage of it. Fake happiness and he has nothing in his power. Subtle changes can make a huge difference. Right now, he thinks you have no support. Find someone who will stand on your side and blatantly present it in his face.
↧